As I look out on to the beautiful beach in Cabo San Lucas I reflect on the last time I was on this beach. My ex–husband and I spent our honeymoon on this same beach. At the time I could not have imagined that 16 years later I would return as a single woman. I could not have imagined that we were not going to be together forever. This trip nor my marriage actually went according to plan. My honeymoon was supposed to be one of the happiest times in my life. However, there were points where I was very happy and over the moon and times when I was miserable and felt like I made a big mistake. To be honest I saw red flags on this trip and before we walked down the aisle that I ignored.
Our first night we went to a romantic dinner at an authentic Mexican Restaurant. We got into a big argument over the Spanish term “Que Paso”. I said that the correct term was “Que Pasa” and although both terms were technically correct we had a huge argument that really ended hitting below the belt. I made a statement that I had passed 2 years of Spanish in College so I should know. He took statement as a cheap shot because he still needed 3 credits in Spanish to officially get his degree. He then starts to insult me and tell me that my degree wasn’t worth shit, I wasn’t even working in my field and he made more money than me without his degree. I was appalled that my new husband, the father of my child who is suppose to be my best friend would hit below the belt with insults. He was angry because he felt my comment about me passing Spanish was meant to be an insult to him but that was not my intention. I would never intentionally say something to him to hurt him. I did not like to argue so I just shut down.
As we left the restaurant I was so mad that I would not get in the taxi with him. He didn’t chase after me once I decided I wasn’t getting in the car. He let me walk back by myself and had no concern for my safety. I walked 5 miles down the beach all the way back to our hotel alone. I finally made it back to the hotel after about a good hour. Thank God it was still light out and the beach was pretty busy so I felt safe. We didn’t speak the entire night.
To make matters worse, on our way to the restaurant the night before I went to pull some cash out of my account and found that my account was overdrawn. Apparently, the hotel had double charged me for the wedding and honeymoon suite. My heart dropped when I saw that. The next morning I got up early and went to find a pay phone to call my bank and find out what was going on with my account. I think called the hotel and promised to reverse the charges and apologized for the mistake.
I walked back to the room feeling a little better knowing that my account would be adjusted in the next couple of days so I wouldn’t be totally broke the entire trip. I was ready to make up and not continue to ruin our honeymoon. Only to walk in and hear my ex-husband on the phone with his best friend talking about me. As soon as I walk in the room he says “I have to go. Negative just walked in the room”. I was appalled. Not only are demeaning me because my account was overdrawn but you made a long distance international call that would be charged to our room that was on my credit card. I didn’t speak to him for the rest of the day.
By the end of the night I can’t remember who broke the ice but we talked it out and apologized for whatever we said and agreed to put that behind us and enjoy our vacation. Which we did. We were having such a great time that we tried to change our flights to stay a little longer. Talked about how great it would be to open up an internet cafe lounge along and live there.
This was not the first time we argued nor was it the biggest fight we’ve ever had. It just stands out to me because we were on our honeymoon. I had this crazy notion in my head that as soon as we said “I do” our relationship was going to magically be better. He was going to magically become this awesome husband who was a great protector and provider that would love me and put my needs before anything else in his life. When that dreamed was shattered so quickly on the honeymoon I was truly hurt. This was how the marriage started and to be honest this was how it always was. It was me always letting things slide to keep the peace. Burying my own feelings for the sake of his and avoiding an argument. The fact that my ex-husband let me walk 5 miles on a beach alone and would insult me the first chance he got told me a lot about his character that I had overlooked before.
The lesson I learned was not to take marriage lightly. Don’t get caught up in the fan fare and what everyone else thinks. On the outside looking in we were the perfect couple. Understand that marriage takes a lot of work and you should spend more time making sure you’re marrying the right person than planning the wedding. Don’t ignore red flags, address them head on.
Be SMART in Life and Especially in LOVE
Smart Love Inc.,
